Don’t get me wrong: we are doing really well. Every time someone asks that throwaway greeting question, “How are you?” I am astonished to find that the answer is legitimately, “Good!” (How on earth do I punctuate that correctly…aaaagh! My peace is destroyed again…but hooray for the bane of peace to again be grammar instead of cancer!) I still live in a place of caution, but it is cautious optimism instead of a sense of tiptoeing through life fearing another proverbial blow to the head.
I actually feel a bit apologetic. My new normal is starting to look a lot like my old normal – dealing with household stuff, recalcitrant children, my own inertia – but Adam’s new normal still holds challenges that the rest of us only deal with in the most peripheral way. And that is to his credit. He could make family life all about his pain, numbness, frustrations, and the general irritations brought on by neuropathy, but he hasn’t done that. He is happy to get back to work, back to life, and hopefully back to full health. He can actually work a full day – he can even work several of them in a row! Who knew how exciting that would be?
So where is this whirlwind, you ask? It is all the stuff that we just aren’t keeping up with as well as we did this time last year – all the details of life that we ignored for ten months while we dealt with cancer that are now hovering over us like an imminent tornado. There are receipts to be recorded, categorized, and filed for taxes; there are computer files that were never backed-up and were almost lost (though recovered, thank you God!) when Adam’s computer crashed; there is a pesky budget that needs to be planned and implemented; there are chores to be assigned and overseen and other chores that I can’t pawn off on the kids and actually have to do; and the list goes on. Many of the things that need to be done aren’t difficult or time consuming by themselves – we just aren’t accustomed to functioning anymore. We have to get back to that. We have started cooking and eating at home as a family again. It is actually nice. Most nights. Except when certain small-ish (almost as tall as I am, but whatever) people pitch fits about broccoli, seating arrangements, and other terribly important matters…but I digress. Real life is making an appearance at our house and we are enjoying it for the most part, though I do have moments where I think fondly and uncomprehendingly of how much more together I was last year…when I could only think of roughly 7,284 things that I wanted to be doing well and wasn’t.
That is our new year so far. How is yours?