Don’t Look Now…But I Feel Pretty Good.

In the immortal words of a dear friend: Farewell 2013 – don’t let the door hit you on the way out. We have not enjoyed much of this year. (That is what one refers to as understatement…I understand if you didn’t recognize it as it is underrepresented in my communication!) So no…not much fun over the last year, or at least for all but the first two months. But here I sit in my suspiciously clean and tidy living room with a fire burning and a tree lit, drinking a cup of particularly delicious coffee and aware that I feel pretty good. Adam is back. He hurts and he’s often frustrated by the lingering side-effects of chemotherapy, but he is here. Which is something I won’t take for granted anytime soon. He even looks the same again…only thinner. I am trying not to hold that against him…. He has often tried to share his weight-loss plan, but I’m not actually that desperate! We hope and pray that 2014 will be an easier year – a time of healing, repairing, and reaching out. We have no guarantee that we will get that kind of year…and we will deal with that when and if we have to. For now, I am going to enjoy my hope. I’m going to plan vacations, budgets, and daily routines that don’t include trips to the Cancer Center. I’m still going to have to make allowances and adjustments for the ever-changing landscape of life and I’m going to hope that some of those unexpected moments bring joy instead of grief. When I see truth – even devastating truth – I settle more firmly into the skin that God gave me. That is what I want for this year: the opportunity to settle into this new skin our family has been given. I guess I’m still taking deep breaths and trying to stay present. I’m just enjoying these moments more than most of the ones from the last ten months.

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