Do you ever have those moments when you look around, see numerous jobs that need doing and just think, “Nah…I don’ wanna?” I know – it’s a bit embarrassing to know that you look, feel, and sound about 4…or 14…but still, that’s exactly what is going through your head. Oh. You don’t have those moments. It’s just me. All the time. Shoot. (Which is not the word that I’m really thinking, but is the one that I’m writing anyway. Even though I SO don’ wanna.) I’m doing lots of things that aren’t high on my list, and I’m ignoring things that would be higher on my list if only I had a little bit more mental energy. So school lunches are getting made, laundry is getting washed and folded (though rarely put away, to be totally honest), dishes are getting done, and everyone is being fed and put to bed at night. Other housework is suffering. It just is. I started a new job last Monday, and now am away from home from about two to six every weekday afternoon. I like my job – I’m an after school care worker at our church’s early childhood center – but I have less time and less energy than I did before and I wasn’t getting the housework done before. And I’m almost sorry about that.
I also have the bigger don’ wanna moments. The ones where I dread telling my kids to do something because I know it’s going to be a fight, and I know I have to win, and I just don’t even want to go there. I get to be the bad guy parent most of the time, especially now that Adam is out of commission so much of the time. It is so…tiring…. I made a comment to the kids the other day that something wasn’t worth fighting over. My darling boy, who is way too much like his mama, replied, “Everything is worth fighting over. Hashtag: everythingisworthfightingover!” (Everything is also worth a hashtag. He’ll be a menace on Twitter one day.) This is the philosophy by which he lives: everything is worth fighting over. He has an opinion on everything and wants to be right all the time. Did I mention that he’s a little like me? Sigh. My mother didn’t even saddle me with the mother’s curse (“Someday I hope you have children who act just like you….”), yet it worked…in spades. I am so tired of the endless cycle of asking/telling/instructing followed by crying/yelling/disobeying followed by crying/yelling/punishing (yes, I know, I shouldn’t cry and yell) followed by more crying/yelling/disrespect leading to more disbelief/punishing/banshee-ing culminating in submission/obedience/sniffles and deep breathing/exhaustion/wine. Couldn’t they, just once, you know…OBEY? Because it isn’t just the one who is so like me that is fighting me. Darling daughter is also a fighter. Or a manipulating sneak. Still…not a submissive, compliant model child.
So I don’ wanna. I forgo grown-up-ness for today. I will henceforth proceed directly to napping. Because I already have a caffeine headache from all the coffee I’ve ingested over the last week and I just need to relax. Bring on the soaking tub, candles, and wine. And please: nobody need me for a few days, okay?
P.S. For those who tend to worry: we’re good. Last week was great, even with my new job and the new school year starting. I’m just tired.