I just saved a draft of a post that may or may not ever see the light of day. I entitled it “Doing what I’m told.” Stop laughing. Seriously. Guess why it’s still a draft? Suffice it to say, when my happy husband – who is happy even though he has cancer and didn’t sleep last night, for the love of all that is holy – tells me to write a “happy post”…well good things didn’t so much happen. I first asked him why he didn’t write said happy post, then sat down to do what I was told and ended up with…well, it wasn’t execrable. It certainly wasn’t sublime. It was just sort of…schla. I don’t know where my friend got that sound or how she spells it, but I’ve decided it’s a good onomatopoeia for my feelings on my mediocre post. So. No happy post from me. Unless it makes you happy to laugh uproariously at the idea of me doing why I’m told…I suppose that is possible.
I’m not unhappy. I’m just exhausted and feel like my bones are currently being held in position by stress alone. Which means I am really happy about the massage I’m having next week. I don’t promise I will still be able to stand when it is over, but I do hope to relax some. And I am really happy to have a dear friend who is treating me to the massage…and the dear friends who are coming to clean my house next Wednesday while we are at the first day of the second chemo cycle. I am also really happy to have Adam feel up to coming out of town with the rest of the family this weekend for Ethan’s soccer tournament. Mini vacation in beautiful Hoover, Alabama – check. I am thrilled that another dear friend is responding well to his new cancer treatment. I am relieved that some of the details I needed to arrange for the summer are coming together. I am thankful for the good visit we had with my mom, and the upcoming visits we’ll have with other family members. I remember that the visits are prompted, at least in part, by Adam’s treatments and I get considerably less relaxed…but I am still looking forward to spending time with everyone. I can still find it in me to be cheerful, excited, amused, and content. So happy is as good a word as any, I guess.
Making the most of the good days…and even the good micromoments. That is the new reality. Not a bad lesson, all things considered….