So, anyway…

A lot of my previous posts are on subjects about which I have more to say than anyone could conceivably listen to, so I wrote my rants for any and everyone to enjoy. And then I didn’t repeat myself quite so many times. My husband is grateful! Now, however, I don’t have anything to rant about. I know. I can’t really believe it either. So here’s a little thing that sits at the back of my mind all the time…except for when it comes to the forefront, of course. Yes. It is hard to be a pastor’s wife. Just like it’s hard to be anyone else’s wife. Or not a wife at all. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s no easier to be a husband or a non-husband. Life can be hard. Our relationships make some things harder, and others easier. Am I in a fishbowl? Sometimes, but in our congregation, it’s not usually a big deal. Of course, I like attention…I think I’ve mentioned that before, so I’m not bothered by all aspects of the fishbowl! I don’t like being found wanting or inadequate – I’m weird that way – so there are definitely times I can point out where the conflict in my life can be laid at the feet of my husband’s job. But most of the conflict in my life comes from an entirely different source. You know, me. We have dear friends – some still in and others now out of vocational ministry – who have had very difficult times. We know that could be us at some point, though we certainly hope it won’t be. In general, we are glad to be in a place where we can be who we are – we are really bad at being anyone else anyway. Who are we? Is Adam’s job, his calling even, our only defining characteristic? Of course not. All the assumptions you have about what it means to be a pastor/minister/preacher/reverend or whatever else you may call it? Some of those fit us and some don’t. And that’s okay. I assume things about doctors, plumbers, teachers, accountants, lawyers, carpenters, engineers, mechanics, and everyone else. And don’t get me started on what assumptions are made about stay-at-home moms. Or moms that go to work outside the home, either. The thing about assumptions is that we all have them, but we don’t have to be imprisoned by them when we meet real live actual people. That part is a choice. And the way to find out if our assumptions (let’s, for fun, call them what they are: prejudices) apply to the specific person we’re meeting is by being willing to communicate, which we cannot do if we talk without thinking and listening. So. I don’t mind being asked if it’s hard to be a pastor’s wife – it’s certainly not for everyone. Which is great, because my husband is taken anyway! But it’s not the hardest part of my life right now. It may be at some point, but life always has hard parts. Not for nothing…it’s people who make each other’s lives hard. And who soothe the hurts. We all have to choose which of those we’ll do. Everyday. Often lots of times. I like people. And I like being Adam’s wife. So this is my calling. And I like that too.

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