I know who I am, but what do I want to do?

My kids are both in school and I sit at home a lot. I also sit in the car a lot, but I keep thinking that I could do something even more productive with the hours between 8 am and 2 pm Monday through Friday. So I start thinking, what did I want to be when I grew up back before that growing up thing actually happened? Well, that seems like a dumb question because who I am has never really been in question. I am a loud, bossy, occasionally whiny, know-it-all daughter / older sister / wife / mother. I kinda like me, even though I know I’m a bit much for some people to take. (Don’t tell me if you’re one of those; it hurts my feelings to hear it and I probably already know anyway.) I also know what I like to do: read, write, talk, eat, cook, and show off. Yeah, I know about that too. The really difficult thing is that no one will pay me to do any of those things in the venue where I currently practice them. And I like the convenience of my current venue. It’s right here…where all my responsibilities are. I like that I don’t have to rearrange a work schedule when the kids get sick and that I can run errands at my leisure while they’re at school. I don’t, however, like feeling underutilized and lazy. ‘Cause I am…probably both of those. Homeschooling wasn’t the answer for me – last year was a good one in many ways, but it confirmed that I am almost as naturally suited to be an elementary school teacher as I am to be an NBA basketball player. (I’m 5’2″, female, and don’t much like to sweat – you do the math.) Reading is a lot of fun, but as my preferred reading material can best be described as escapist, it is not conducive to motivation – at least in anything practical. Cooking is only fun if there is an appreciative audience, and my family very rarely fills that role. I fill that role nicely since eating is also a hobby, but I really don’t want to grow out and the growing up ended long ago. And showing off? Well, I probably still do that…. So writing. That’s what I’m doing now. So far, it has served to keep me occupied, to stretch my brain and to spur me on to other fruitful pursuits – even if those pursuits mostly involve laundry, dishes, and replacing carpet with laminate in the bedrooms of our house. I’m still not being paid and I still don’t have a cool career-y job title to brag about at cocktail parties, PTA meetings or soccer games. But that’s okay. I go to very few cocktail parties, and everyone at the PTA meetings and on the soccer team knows me already anyway. And I don’t really like most cocktails anyway. Some wine might be nice, though….


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